Perplexed

Perplexed, she looked at me and uttered, “Since when do you worry about what other people think?”

I’ve had that part of the conversation running in my head for almost 2 years.

Since when?

I don’t know.

Since that conversation with a most trusted friend, I’ve been getting back to all I know to be true. It’s hard to see the grand scheme from the valley, the lay of the land is deceiving. How far is that mountain peak? How big is it really? Is that snow or granite? Is there anything back there behind it? Is that the highest point? Valleys are not good places to make judgments from. Know what I mean?

When we first moved here I met a woman who said, “Sometimes God gives you just enough light for the next step.”

Another woman recently reminded me, “God gives us grace enough for today, not necessarily tomorrow.”

Joe likes to say, “God is a God of Just In Time Deliveries.”

There is much I don’t understand about God, His timing, His grace and His provision. I don’t usually understand the direction He is leading. But I know that the longer I stay in the valley, the more prone I am to wandering, desperately seeking a way to the mountain top. I know that desperation will have me running in circles getting nowhere.... and that’s when my judgments are least reliable. Discernment seems to be base camped somewhere else and I can’t even find the road to get there. I listen to the voices of fellow travelers, but if I don’t listen carefully, I won’t realize they have never been to the top of the mountain, or that they’ve been there so long ago, they no longer remember the way. I am on my own. Instead of fighting that fact, I need to trust it.

Why? Because God really does give light enough for the next step. And because God really does give grace for today and not necessarily tomorrow. And because He will provide just what I need just when I need it.....like wisdom.

It’s the running around in circles that messes up my trip. When will I learn to trust the one true voice I know?

Seriously, since when do I worry about what other people think instead of humbling myself before my God? I’m thinking God is just in time and that I’m in for a surprise and a really great view. In the meantime, I’m perplexed, but that’s as it should be otherwise I would think I had something to do with the outcome. I don’t. God does.

2 Corinthians 4 includes this truth : We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair....All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart....inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Good Grief!

Which Peanuts character are you? I definitely want comments from the Peanut Gallery! Do you ever feel like a failure?

I think I might be a Lucy. Free advice, 5 cents. The Doctor is IN!



In all seriousness, I believe we homeschool moms often feel like failures. Like Lucy said in the clip, “We need emotional outlets!” Where is yours?

Sometimes in our homeschool journey, and perhaps more often than not, moms deal with depression. Yeah. I said it. The big D! And often times, these losses are prompted by the truth about life. It is not our imagination or lack of faith. Circumstances are clearly not what they should be, not what God ever intended. As a result, we feel the gap between the way things ought to be and the way things are. At the very least, we are sad. The gap is an abyss and we can’t see the way out.

I’ve known homeschooling moms who have lost their parents. There are those who have lost their babies. Those, who try as they might, have had to deal with the mammoth disappointment of children who stray or the difficulty of learning disabilities. Job losses. Financial strain. Marital conflict. There are moves from one state to the next. Relationships that sever. Friendships that die. Grief.

While grief is happening, what’s a homeschool mom to do? Grieve. AND GET ALL THE STUFF DONE THAT NEEDS TO GET DONE? Yeah. I’m sorry. That’s where the profound sense of failure comes in. How do you take care of yourself and everyone else all day long, every day, all day long, every day, all day long, every day...

Here are some mighty good tips from a real live homeschool mom. I hope you like her website. I think she has a lot to offer. May Julie Bogart bless you as she has me.