I think I've been in a blaaaahhhhhg mood this last week or two. I've tried composing blogs, but all the stuff is jumbled inside and isn't ready to come out yet. Kinda like that not-so-subtle feeling of indigestion one gets after the holidays have come and gone. It's stuck.
Every year there is a Blue Christmas feeling I get after the holiday. It's never quite what I expect it to be. But this year, as I reflect, I realize that nothing is ever what I expect it to be. Sometimes things are far better. And sometimes, things are much worse. I guess having no expectations is an option. Would I be more content? I think maybe I would be.
I wrote recently that my goal for 2009 is to Live in the Moment while Planning for the Future.
I am preparing for a road trip to see some dear friends I haven't seen in a long time. My agenda: BE there. Be PRESENT. Listen. Laugh. Be. Live in the moments as they come.
I know my tree is still covered with ornaments and my carpet is covered in pine needles. I know that I did a shoddy job of cleaning the fridge today. I know that my car needs to be cleaned, inside and out before we leave. There is laundry to be done and lists to be made, but here I am: blogging.
Why? Because tonight is a new night. It's New Year's Eve. I may not get a chance tomorrow to tell you what is on my heart and mind. I've done enough work today. It is vacation after all. Tonight, when I am done with this blog, I am going to BE in the kitchen preparing an appetizer. After that I am going to BE with my kids as I help them dress for a party, braiding hair. Tonight the agenda is to listen, laugh and play.
God willing, I'll awake in the morning to a new day and a new agenda. I'll start my planning...again.
Tomorrow, while I am doing all that laundry and list-making I hope I will BE WILLING to BE in the MOMENT. I pray that I will BE MINDFUL of the MOMENT and where God is in it. I hope I will BE ABLE to listen to God's whisper as He guides me through my PLANS. I know I have lots to do, but it's pretty worthless if the minutes just tick by. No, this year, I really do want to Live in the Moment while Planning for the Future.
But, Tonight is the only thing I can do anything about. Tonight I will ring in the new year. Tonight I am hoping that I might carry the willingness to merely BE into the new year, not just when I am going to a party or on vacation, but every day.
What are you going to BE this new year?
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
BE
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3 comments:
When the weight of all my dreams
Is resting heavy on my head,
And the thoughtful words of health and hope
Have all been nicely said.
But I'm still hurting,
Wondering if Ill ever be
The one I think I am.
I think I am.
Then you gently re-remind me
That you've made me from the first,
And the more I try to be the best
The more I get the worst.
And I realize the good in me,
Is only there because of who you are.
Who you are...
And all I ever have to be
Is what you've made me.
Any more or less would be a step
Out of your plan.
As you daily recreate me,
Help me always keep in mind
That I only have to do
What I can find.
And all I ever have to be
All I have to be
All I ever have to be
Is what you've made me.
I just want to BE who God has created me to be, nothing more or less. and i want to wrap my arms around him who made me, hold tight, and love him deeply.
i love you BEautiful friend!
I want to stop BEing so TIRED!
I can definitely relate to the thoughts and feelings shared on your blog. Inexplicably, the post-holiday season seems to spur on a bit of sadness and introspection for me too. But I suppose it is to be expected considering Christmas, with all of its trappings, is the highlight of the season. Luckily, the "blah" period is short-lived. Thank you for sharing, Shirin, and thank you for reminding me to be mindful of God's presence in EVERY moment of everyday. That(!) will be my goal for 2009 & always.
Have a safe trip and wonderful trip. Looking forward to your next post....
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