Learning to Play

We have to learn a lot of things in this life. Some things are harder than others. One thing that has been hard for me is Learning to Play.

When I was a child, I played at singing and violin and acting. I was part of a wonderful theater arts program in school. There, I flourished and played all the parts I was given as well as I could. In high school, I made great strides and in my performing arts high school, I made lots of friends who would go onto the entertainment industry. I can play at "entertainment".

In college, I felt it was time to set aside the things of childhood and get serious. There I intentionally gave up the things I loved. At least I tried to. Eventually I got a Creative Arts degree, with the hope at working at a non-profit arts organization. I did that. I hated it. I went back to school to teach. I did that. That suited me very well. First, I had a salary and secondly, because teaching requires a whole lot of creativity!

When my kids were little, I learned how to play with them on the floor. I was knowledgeable enough about children to know that being with them is where it's at. I learned how to relish the moments of stacking blocks and building trains and singing silly songs, but when the time was up, I was always glad to move on to adult matters of the day. My heart could engage in that kind of play for short periods of time, but never for very long. I was a grown-up and I didn't really enjoy play.

As my kids have aged, I have found myself looking for ways to play with them. I fall short, often. I'm the mom who plays the card game out of obligation. (can you hear God's voice saying, "God loves a cheerful giver?"). I'm the mom who watches a movie and tries so hard not to fall asleep, (can you hear Jesus saying, "Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?"). I'm the one who prefers a neat kitchen instead of one all messed up by some kids' cooking project (can you hear Jesus say to the woman upset about all the kitchen stuff, "Martha, Martha,you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.")

How I long to not rob my children of a fun mother. I think how Jesus' might have played. What did that look like? Did He and the disciples play pick-up games of stick ball along the road to Jerusalem? Did they ever play marbles on the floor of someone's home? Did they make up skits? Did they make up ridiculous songs or recite funny poetry at parties? Did they concoct zinger trifles to eat for dessert?

I'm certain Jesus was fun.

In contrast, I have a hard time being funny. I AM funny. It's just that no one ever gets my joke. See? That was a joke and you didn't get it, did you?

But more important than wit is that ability to infuse an event with joy. For me, choosing events for the sole purpose of joy is a stretch. But I am learning.

When I moved to CO I began trying a myriad of new things, I discovered a sense of adventure. I grew (out of no where) a belief that I could be good at all kinds of things. There were so many things yet to be discovered. I thought it was time to try them, even if I failed. It was time to get out of the music box I had put myself in and become a new kind of fun. The words of my friend, Abby, ring so true, "Shirin!" she exclaimed, "You are learning how to play!"

The truth about me is that I have no right to talk back to God. Romans 9 reads something like this: "Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?'" Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use? Can't God do what He wants to with me?

What natural design has He given me? That's a post for another day. Today, I realize that I haven't been my own for a long time. I am His. If He wants to teach me to play then I will learn to play. God is shaping me in ways I have never planned on. I am His workmanship. How is God reshaping you?