Happiness Project, Intro to Chapter 5

"Research shows that regularly having fun is a key factor in having a happy life," writes Gretchen Rubin on page 113 of the Happiness Project.

Tough truth to hear when 99% of what you do isn’t fun. I don’t like cooking. I don’t like laundry. I don’t like cleaning or disciplining children. I don’t like driving them all over creation either....

"Studies show that each common interest between people boosts the chances of a lasting relationship and also brings about a 2 percent increase in life satisfaction." (p. 119)

Bummer. I’m not that into what my kids are into. Yikes. I really want lasting relationships with them.

Oops. I haven’t finished the chapter. I didn’t realize I hadn’t finished the chapter until I sat down to type this blog. Why did I choose now to write this blog? Because I had some unexpected play today and Chapter 5 is entitled: Be Serious About Play.

Seriously.

So, even though there are plenty of parts of my job that are really NOT fun. Even though I’m not into what my kids are into and I spend the vast majority of my time with them, there are ways to play.

Tonight I enjoyed the privilege of attending my Boy Scouts’ Court of Honor. An occasion in which they receive numerous awards. My boys raked it in tonight. Yeah! Worth celebrating. But before we left the house, this was the NOT FUN conversation.

Me: Zach! Did you wash your shirt when you got home from camp?!
Zach: Yeah.
Me: It’s filthy!
Zach: It is?
Me: You can’t wear that tonight.
Zach: I have to.
Me: TAKE IT OFF now, it’s going into the wash. I can’t let you go looking like that...

Horrendous Mommy Moment. I know. When we all get to heaven no one will care that his Boy Scout Class A Uniform shirt was dirty. But the Mommy Monster took over and me and Shout It Out had a party in the laundry room. Big Brother, and eldest child, who was recently nominated Senior Patrol Leader (SPL) starts having a fit because he’s doing the math on the time. Stress. Anxiety. And it’s all my fault. A NOT FUN mommy moment, indeed. SPL will be late to his first Court of Honor that he has to direct.... yada yada yada.

Fast forward 30 minutes. I took the clean class A out of the wash. Threw it in the drier. Numerous debates ensued over the time issue. How long does it take for a Boy Scout Class A Uniform shirt to dry enough to wear it?????

Me: Zach, take it out.
Zach: Now?
Me: Yes, now. It’s time to go.
Evan, new SPL: We’re already going to be late.
Me: No, we are not.
Zach: It’s wet.
Me: It won’t be when you get there!

When we got into the car I told Zach to hang his shirt out to dry on the way. We had FUN! Zach dodged cars, (think - matador!), as we let his shirt take wing on our windy roads. And guess what? It DRIED. Upon arrival Zach looked as spiffy as the rest of his troop.


It wasn’t planned, so I know this doesn’t count as the “regular fun” the research recommends. It wasn’t the kind of “common interest” the studies refer to either.
But we shared a common goal.


I’ll have to finish the chapter to find out what it really means to be serious about play, but on this occasion, we found the fun. We laughed. We rejoiced. We played.

A definite 2 percent increase in life satisfaction, for all of us tonight.

What do you see?

What do you see when you look at this picture?

You notice the candle thingy?



What do you notice about the candle thingy?

For years, I’ve only noticed the paisley design. There’s a vine-like leaf pattern, too. These are the patterns I have noticed. That’s probably why I bought it. I like nature. I think I’ve owned this Yankee Candle accessory for 5 years. Maybe more.

Funny though. I never noticed the hearts. Never. Not til today.

This morning, while praying for God’s mind and heart, this homey, sweet smelling bit of tchotchke was sitting front and center. I happened to be looking at it. This morning, I looked at it in a new way. I saw the hearts.

I realized that often, I don’t see God and in my frustration, I keep seeing the same things. Usually negative. Usually things I have to work hard to fix. Just like I haven’t really seen the heart pattern on this familiar piece of decor, I miss what is in front of me. Today, like the blind man I can cry out, “I was blind but now I see.” What’s important to recognize is that just as Jesus healed the blind man, Jesus needs to heal me. I can’t show myself these things. He must do it. He opens eyes.

As I think through my relationships, I know, too that I often ask my friends this question, “What am I not seeing?” or “What am I missing?” or “Am I interpreting this correctly?” Perhaps my conscience knows what a failure I am...at seeing things way God’s sees them.

Guilty.

But what I love about God is that simple requests, the simplest prayers always seem to get answered.

Like, help me have compassion. The next thing I know I’m sobbing at everything. I donate time toward the leukemia society. I actually walk up to the people begging for money and offer them something, so they don’t have to ask. I pray for the woman in the store being mean to her children, instead of walking away with that self-righteous chip on my shoulder.

Like, help me love my husband.

Like, help me love my children.

Like, help me love You, oh, Lord.

My most recent prayer: Help me see what You see.

What are you seeing? Most importantly, what do you need to see? What simple prayer might you prayer inviting God to open your eyes?

Happiness Project, Chapter 4

Lighten Up.

God knows, I need to lighten up!

In fact, in a group of people last spring I boldly proclaimed, “I need to find ways to have more fun!”

Have I done it? Nope. Not really. But I’ll blog about that in Chapter 5. Chapter 5 is my favorite so far, but here we go on Chapter 4. One chapter at a time....

What resonated most with me was found on pg. 98-100. The author was discussing the importance of people’s feelings, specifically her children. Gretchen Rubin writes, “We should acknowledge the task is difficult (in the case of a child’s frustration or complaint)....Experts say that denying bad feelings intensifies them; acknowledging bad feelings allows good feelings to return.” Please read it again. Slowly. I think it works even with adults. Have you found that to be true?

Many years ago I prayed to become a more compassionate person. I knew I was heavily task oriented, and I needed something to help me live more in the moment. Prayer change things. I still err on the side of duties and check-lists, but I am more aware of my tendencies and mindful to put people first. When my children were losing it, I began to stop what I was doing. Then, I would pause to feel their pain. Filled with genuine sympathy I say, “Oh, what a bummer.” With my husband I use, “Man, that really stinks.” A few simple feeling words is enough for most people. For me, it reduces my natural inclination toward should-ing and shaming and empowers me to sympathize a little better. Now that I know what the “experts say”, I hope those I love feel heard and understood. Hopefully, I have helped them to lighten up.

I love this Bible verse from Romans 12: Rejoice with those who rejoice. Mourn with those who mourn. It’s part of what it is to love people. I try to keep that verse in the back of my mind. I think the simple principle is often the sugar that helps the medicine of life go down.

Other aspects of the chapter are like this one. It's stuff I already know. I keep photo albums of happy memories. “...recalling the past amplifies the positive.” Traditions are important. I’m not so good at that as our holidays are different each and every year, but we have a few basic traditions we enjoy as a family.

Take Away Point: When burdened, I need to lighten up a lot.

I like what Rubin advises about identifying the problem. Sometimes, it requires simplifying something. Sometimes, it is realizing that the work you are doing IS important to you, even if it is a momentary trouble.

The Bible says, “God loves a cheerful giver.” So, whether it is cooking up a storm for holiday guests, driving my kids to music lessons on a stormy afternoon, or wrapping Christmas presents at 11PM on Christmas Eve, I can anticipate the joy, savor the event as it unfolds, and express the happiness of the moment when it comes. Singing along with my children as they play Christmas Carols on the piano Christmas morning is the culmination of all this good effort. Forever, I get to recall those happy times and will have the pictures to prove it....


Thank you God for using your Word to lighten my path before I read Happiness Project, Ch. 4. Thank you God for your compassion on me, for hearing my prayer.