On the Porch

Porch Time has been reconvened. The coming of 80 degree temps has brought us back to Porch Time; that time of day we sit out on the porch and talk. I love my husband. I love that he thinks Porch Time is important. I love that time with him. I love that God gave us a great porch. I love being on the porch. I never know what will happen when we are there.

This weekend during Porch Time I asked my husband why he had been so nice to me lately. I prattled on about all the little things I’ve been noticing. I asked forgiveness for being a little whacky lately. Emotional. I thanked him for being kind with me despite myself. I thanked him for going the extra mile in so many areas, making me want to be less of a burden and more of a helper. I told him that in my desire to be selfless, I had put a lot of pressure on myself. I confessed I wasn’t asking God for help and I wasn’t seeking counsel from the best counselor at my disposal, my husband. I was just barreling through life... trying so hard.

You know what he SAID?

You KNOW what he SAID?

He said, “I’ve been asking God to Bless Her. Change Me.”

I sat there on the porch, stunned.

What Joe doesn’t know is that in all my trying, the undercurrent of blame exists. In all my trying lives a martyr complex. In all my trying, working, and striving to be selfless exists an arrogance and self-importance which can consume and destroy a marriage. If allowed to run rampant, it will turn me into an ugly hag and him, a disappointed defeated man.

And what is he praying? “Bless Her. Change Me.”

I woke up this morning with the utterances of prayers for my husband on my lips. A morning ritual. But today all I could manage to say to my God was, “Bless Him and Change Me.”