What Should You Do?

I should blog.

My friend, Jocelyn should blog, too.

So should Robin.

We are all overdue in our blog updates and should get back to it.

I should also catch up on facebook. So many friends I should write to. I should mop my floor well because the last time I did it, I was hasty. I should be at the gym this morning, not blogging. I should floss more. I should send thank you notes for my birthday presents. I should go through that pile of papers on the counter. I should wash the sheets today. I should spend more time with the dog. I should.....

Do you feel the anxiety? What should you be doing besides reading my blog? Do you have similar thoughts now running through your head? Has the guilt-trip set in? Proverbs 12:25 says that a person’s anxiety will weigh him down. Is your heart heavy with the shoulds you should do?

Years ago a friend lent me a secular parenting book titled Parenting with Love and Logic. It’s great. I applied a few of the simplest principles to my parenting and it made a lot of difference. In practice, it demonstrated the power of our choice of words. It’s not just what we say that counts but how we say it. Ever notice how often the Bible says we ought to “build each other up”? As a result of Love and Logic language, I chose to reconstruct the way I phrased things so that my words would be helpful to my children and really benefit them.

I am currently reading Losing Control and Liking it: How to Set your Teen and Yourself Free. Chapter 6 is about the 3 Habits of Highly Controlling People and since I don’t want to be a highly controlling person, I dove right in. Habit #1 - SHOULDS should be avoided!

Should Thinking invokes a sense of condemnation. Behind every should is a judgment.
I should get more organized... (but I don’t because I am lazy.) Should Thinking makes me feel defeated.

Should Thinking sabotages choice-making and generates feelings of obligation. I should volunteer to be a merit badge counselor, because I should do my part like all the other parents. Should Thinking makes me feel guilty.

Should Thinking removes reward, because of course, you should have earned an A on that test anyway. Should Thinking thwarts joy.

Do you get it? I hope this translates to your life and circumstances. It does mine. How many times each week do I tell my children they should..... (you fill in the blank)? How often do I subtly condemn? impose obligation? and press them into performing without hope of any credit? Guilt motivated living is not living.

Since there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, delete the shoulds from your vocabulary.

Insert words like - could - would like to - I wish - I choose. When you do so, you tell the truth. There is a lot about shoulds that create little white lies in your life. God loves a cheerful giver, so give cheerfully and not under compulsion.
A person's anxiety will weigh him down, but an encouraging word makes him joyful. Prov 12:25

If you are game join me in the month of November. It is NO SHOULDS month. Here is my commitment:

I will not should myself, my husband or my children. I choose to eliminate shoulds from my vocabulary and would like to use more encouraging words instead.

Anyone want to play?